


Just Once

by heda_sky



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Best Friends, F/F, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 07:56:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6795694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heda_sky/pseuds/heda_sky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke starts coming to terms with her feelings for Lexa and propositions sex as a way to relieve Lexa's grumpiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa settled onto the couch next to Clarke, pulling a blanket over them and handing Clarke the remote.

“Your pick.”

“I never know what to pick, Lex. Just put something on, I don’t care.”

“Okay, at least tell me movie or TV?”

“Movie?”

Lexa reluctantly grabbed the remote and started scrolling through Netflix, selecting a random movie she and Clarke had seen before. She wasn’t really in the mood for paying too much attention to it, and figured they’d both fall asleep anyway.

Clarke didn’t comment on her choice and curled up beside Lexa, pressing herself against her side.

Lexa was absentmindedly watching the movie, her arms crossed with her legs on the coffee table in front of them. She felt Clarke move closer to her and stiffened for a moment, before relaxing a bit. Clarke noticed her action and that Lexa looked tense.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked, looking at Lexa who was still focused on the screen.

“Nothing.” Lexa answered, obviously irritated with something.

“Liar. You’re not in a good mood. You don’t want to be here?”

“Of course I do Clarke.” Lexa said, turning to look at her. Her arms still crossed.

“Ok, so relax. You look so stiff, it’s Friday night. There’s nothing to stress about, it’s just me and you.” Clarke said, reassuringly, never breaking eye contact.

Lexa exhaled deeply and tried to refocus her energy. But something was bothering her. She had been stressed all week. She had just gotten a job at a firm and was struggling to prove herself as a new lawyer. 

Clarke had stopped watching the movie now, concerned with Lexa. She reached out to grab one of her hands, and brought it on to her lap. Lexa didn’t move to look at her, she just kept staring at the screen with eyes that looked vacant. Inside, her heart was fluttering, but she had become so good at concealing that around Clarke.

Clarke entwined their fingers, softly stroking Lexa’s hand trying to reassure her, to calm her, to show her that she was there even if Lexa didn’t want to talk. She noticed that Lexa wasn’t reacting, so she brought her hand up to her mouth and kissed her knuckles. She kissed the first, and Lexa didn’t even flinch. When she kissed the second, Lexa moved slightly, and Clarke smiled against her hand. 

“Lexa.” Clarke breathed.

“Yes, Clarke.” She said, still not looking at the blonde. Knowing that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to stop her eyes from flicking down to Clarke’s lips.

“I can help you feel less stressed out. I can help with whatever’s bothering you.” She said.

Lexa scoffed. “Really? How do you expect to do that?”

“Keep watching.” Clarke said.

Lexa was confused. Clarke would often do this, say slightly flirty things, play with her hands, hold her a little too long and a little too tight. But Lexa chalked it up to really close friendship, and didn’t want to get her own hopes up. She buried her feelings time and time again in favour of a really good friendship. She sighed and kept watching the movie, not knowing how Clarke planned to cheer her up.

Clarke, on the other hand, had a different idea. She could feel Lexa’s eyes on hers when she wasn’t looking, and she loved to be looked at like that. Lexa had never crossed any boundaries in their friendship and was always so respectful towards Clarke and she admired her for it. They had been best friends for two years. Clarke had broken up with her boyfriend two months ago and she and Lexa had been spending more time together since. And Clarke started to see her in a different light. Without Bellamy, she could see how kind Lexa was, how thoughtful, and how beautiful. She started looking forward to their movie nights all week, just to be close to the girl.

This night was the last straw. Lexa looked so in need of a touch. Words didn’t seem to be enough tonight, and Clarke needed to show her how she felt, she needed to explore it. Her attraction to Lexa was real, and she needed to prove to herself that it was.

Clarke kept holding Lexa’s hand, but she brought their hands under the blanket this time. Lexa twitched a little, but she responded with a soft stroke of her thumb against Clarke’s hand, and Clarke smiled. She was eliciting a response.

Then, with all the bravery she could muster, Clarke led both their hands to her own thigh. She removed her own, and placed it on top of Lexa’s, keeping it firm against her.

Lexa’s breathing increased and Clarke kept going, wanting to finally get what she was craving. She nudged Lexa’s hand more between her legs, still not quite at her centre and Lexa gasped a little, hands aching to travel higher but not daring to push a boundary. She wanted to feel Clarke so badly, but the possibility that Clarke was just playing with her had her on guard.

“Lex.” Clarke said.

Lexa finally turned to look at her, her eyes welling with tears, her heart beating so loudly she could hear it pulsing in her ears.

“What are you doing Clarke?” She asked. Not moving her hand from between Clarke’s legs.

“I said I could help you.”

“By doing what?”

“The best stress-relieving activity known to man.”

“Clarke…” Lexa breathed, squeezing the hand that was holding Clarke’s thigh, her hand nestled between soft skin.

“Just once, Lex.” 

Lexa wrestled with the idea in her mind for a moment. She didn’t know if she could do that, just once and then never again. She didn’t know if she could walk around with those images in her head and not be able to act on them ever again. But then she thought about how much she’d wanted this girl since the first second they met, and she gave in. She convinced herself once was better than never, and this possibility, literally between her fingertips was not one she could ignore. Not now. Not when Clarke was offering.

Lexa opened her mouth to speak, but Clarke stopped her before she could say anything.

“Once. Please.”

Clarke was begging, and Lexa was not going to deny her. Not with the way Clarke was looking at her right now, with want in her eyes.

She nodded, and removed her hand from between Clarke’s legs. Clarke tried to protest, but Lexa moved her hands to the waistband of her shorts, and pulled at the strings. Clarke pushed the blanket off of them and stood up to take off her shorts. Lexa admired Clarke in her cute black underwear, her eyes glistening with hope, and tinged with the sadness of the moment.

Clarke moved to straddle Lexa’s lap, and rested her forehead against her, breathing her in for a moment. She broke apart for a moment to lift her shirt over her head, leaving her in her bra and her underwear. Lexa looked up at her like she was an angel, and settled her hands on Clarke’s hips, softly kneading her milky skin. Clarke leaned down, lips just ghosting over Lexa’s and Lexa trembled as she felt the first brush of Clarke against her.

Lexa pulled back for a moment. “Are you sure?” She asked.

Clarke nodded, leaning back in to press a soft kiss to Lexa’s lips. She explored her mouth tentatively, until she got more comfortable and started kissing her more roughly more deeply. She prodded Lexa’s mouth with her tongue, and as soon as she tasted the blonde, Lexa moaned loudly, her arms wrapping around Clarke’s back to hold her close, relishing in the feeling of her exposed skin against her hands.

“Touch me.” Clarke said, reaching back to unclip her bra, tossing it on the floor.

Lexa reached forward and grabbed Clarke’s face in her hands, kissing her roughly, nipping at her lips and sucking them into her mouth. Clarke responded just as eagerly, and felt Lexa’s hands trail up her sides, grasping at her chest, massaging her soft flesh in her hands. She kissed down Clarke’s neck, sucking a soft bruise into it so Clarke could remember this moment, so she could have a painted reminder of Lexa’s love.

She sucked at her collarbone, and Clarke urged her head downwards, to her chest. Lexa placed a soft kiss above her heart, and she took a nipple into her mouth, sucking the hard peak lightly, shivering at the taste of Clarke, moaning at the feel of her. Clarke was entranced by her, she could feel Lexa’s want in every kiss, and she moaned at the swirl of Lexa’s tongue, knowing it was skilled.

Clarke pulled Lexa back up to her, and stared in her eyes, brimming with tears. 

“I want this. I want you.” She reassured her. Lexa nodded, staring back, searching for any hint of reluctance in Clarke’s eyes - there wasn’t any.

With that, Lexa grew more bold and laid Clarke down on the couch. She hovered above her, and then reached to pull her own shirt over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and as soon as Clarke took in her naked chest, her eyes darkened, and she reached down to pull Lexa into another heated kiss, their chests pressing together. She trailed her hand up to knead at Lexa’s chest and Lexa moaned loudly, so sensitive and so worked up from every single touch, every single kiss.

Clarke reached down to pull at her own underwear, dragging them down her legs. Lexa helped pull them off the rest of the way, and she drooled at the sight of Clarke’s sex as her legs fell open.

Her brain was moving in slow motion, she felt like she was high and didn’t know what to do next, but Clarke snapped her back into reality, pulling her down once again. Lexa placed a thigh between Clarke’s legs and moaned at the wetness she felt on her. She started kissing down Clarke’s stomach, sucking more marks into her skin, touching every inch of skin.

She pressed a kiss right on Clarke’s mound, and sucked another bruise into her thigh. Clarke moaned loudly, anticipating the girl’s tongue, dripping with want.

“Lex. Please, I can’t take it anymore.” She whined, canting her hips upwards, urging Lexa to touch her.

“Tell me how much you want it.” Lexa breathed against her core, earning another bucking of Clarke’s hips. If she was going to have Clarke, she wanted to relish in every possible moment. To hear the words that would make it real.

“I want you. I want you so badly. I want you to fuck me. Please.” Clarke pleaded.

“How do you want me to fuck you?”

Clarke kicked her legs a bit, frustrated.

“With your tongue. I want your mouth. Please. I want you.” Clarke put her hand between her legs and spread her lips, allowing her wetness to trickle down. “I’m aching for you, I’ve never been this wet, please.”

Lexa was dripping into her underwear, she didn’t think she had ever been this turned on either. This slow tease was killing her, but she was loving every word coming out of Clarke’s mouth. 

Satisfied, Lexa pressed a kiss to Clarke’s clit, and her hips bucked up immediately. She slowly licked through her once, twice, and then dipped her tongue inside Clarke, tasting her for the first time. She wrapped her arms around Clarke’s legs, holding her thighs down on the couch while she fucked her with her tongue. Clarke moaned so loud, and Lexa just needed to hear more of her, feel more of her, taste more of her. She sucked Clarke’s clit into her mouth and Clarke nearly screamed at the roll of her tongue, at her pressing and sucking and licking with just the right pressure. In two minutes, her hips were canting with so much force Lexa struggled to hold her down, and Clarke came with a loud moan with Lexa’s tongue on her clit. Lexa licked her slowly through her orgasm and licked every last drop of Clarke’s juices. She pressed a final kiss to Clarke’s clit, then her mound, and kissed her way right up to her lips.

“Kiss me.” Clarke pleaded.

Lexa stared at her and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, but Clarke immediately introduced her tongue, tasting herself on Lexa’s.

“Mm. Do you like how I taste?” Clarke teased, licking Lexa’s lips.

“I love it.” Lexa replied, kissing Clarke again.

“I want to touch you.” Clarke declared. Lexa fixated on Clarke’s lips, on how they moved as she articulated her words.

She flipped Lexa over and grabbed her waistband, pulling her shorts and panties down at the same time.

“Do you want that?” Clarke asked.

“Y-yes.” Lexa trembled at the thought. She hadn’t known if Clarke would want to.

Clarke pressed her body down against Lexa’s, gripping her thigh and wrapping it around her, pushing into her centre and rocking into her. Lexa started to moan, enjoying the friction Clarke was creating. Clarke pressed her centre against Lexa’s and Lexa nearly came at the feeling of Clarke’s wetness mingling with her own. 

“God this feels really good.” Clarke moaned. “But I want to do something else.”

Clarke reached down and started rubbing at Lexa’s clit, who moaned appreciatively in response. She could come just from this.

“God, Clarke. Don’t stop.” Lexa pleaded, enjoying her touch, her senses in overdrive as Clarke rolled the nub with her finger.

She leaned down to press kisses to Lexa’s neck, sucking a hickey into it, kissing up to Lexa’s ear before she whispered.

“Can I feel inside you?”

“Yes. Yes. Please.”

Clarke dipped a finger into Lexa’s wetness and moaned at the feeling. She loved it. She loved feeling her. Loved watching her face as she experienced her pleasure. And she knew she was going to love it when Lexa came around her fingers. She entered her with a second digit and started thrusting them inside her, rubbing at her clit. Lexa’s eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned loudly. Clarke’s fingers were hitting just the right spot, curled at just the right angle and Lexa knew she was done for. 

“Clarke.” Lexa moaned loudly, and somehow Clarke knew exactly what she needed.

She kept her hands in place and brought her lips to Lexa’s, who sucked and bit Clarke’s bottom lip into her mouth as she came, drawing a bit of blood from the blonde. Clarke moaned, loving how Lexa trembled and clenched around her fingers, her eyes shut tight as she rode out her orgasm against Clarke lips. She slowed her fingers when Lexa stopped shaking, and pulled them out slowly. Lexa looked up at Clarke and saw her bloody lip.

“I’m sorry for that.”

Lexa leaned up to kiss the blood away from her lips and Clarke was surprised for a moment, but the action was sweet to her, and caring. She could feel that Lexa wanted all of her.

“Was this your first time? With a girl?” Lexa asked.

“Yes.”

“And?”

Clarke laid down beside Lexa and propped herself up on her elbow. She brought her other hand down to trace Lexa’s bicep.

“It was amazing.” She pressed a kiss to Lexa’s arm while Lexa studied her face. “You are very, very good at this.” She said, smiling.

“And what about you? Did that relieve your stress?”

“Definitely.” Lexa replied, exhausted.

Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s chest, and fell asleep to the soft sound of her heartbeat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still just once...

Lexa awoke to the feeling of soft skin pressed against her. Clarke’s face was buried into her neck, her warm even breaths soothing Lexa. Lexa felt like crying, knowing when they got up that this would be over, and that it was the last time she’d have something like this with Clarke. She replayed the last night in her mind, Clarke’s skin, Clarke’s legs…her taste and the way she trembled in her mouth. The way Clarke made her come and how happy she felt being with her.

She let herself indulge in the memories, promising herself to stop when Clarke woke. Allowing herself to just relive it one more time, and then move on. Clarke was straight. Just because they had sex, it didn’t mean that had changed. Clarke was horny, Lexa was upset and there and it was a one time thing. Lexa repeated this in her head over and over. She slowly untangled herself from Clarke, not wanting to wake her, and headed to the kitchen, ending her fantasizing, forcing herself to come back to reality. She pulled on her underwear and a t-shirt and put some coffee on. She walked over the stove and turned it on, deciding to make Clarke’s favourite breakfast - pancakes.

She prepared the mix and put the pan on the stove, when she felt warm hands wrap around her waist. Lexa hadn’t heard Clarke enter the kitchen, her soft steps silent against the marble floor.

“Good morning.” Clarke whispered, her head on Lexa’s shoulder. Her voice was still husky from having just woken up.

Lexa tensed for a moment and tried to look back, but Clarke just held her firm in her arms. 

“Shh..relax.” Clarke said, her hands travelling down Lexa’s arm, stroking her skin softly. 

“Clarke.” Lexa breathed, already turned on by her touch. She cursed herself in her head. Clarke was just teasing. She was just teasing. Just once she promised. Just once.

She slowly pulled Lexa’s t-shirt to the side, exposing the skin of her shoulder. She pressed a slow kiss there, and then moved to press an open-mouth kiss to Lexa’s neck. Lexa nearly moaned at the contact, her hand gripping the handle of the pan so hard her knuckles were white. 

Clarke reached over to turn the stove off and forced Lexa to turn around. Clarke was still naked. Lexa’s jaw nearly dropped, taking in the sight of her in the bright light of the kitchen. Clarke immediately grabbed at Lexa’s shirt, pulling it over her head. Lexa stared at her in disbelief as Clarke ran her hands up and down her chest, tracing the outlines of her breasts, her abs.

Clarke leaned in to Lexa’s ear, pressing their chests against each other, running her hands down her back.

“I know I said just once.” She whispered. “But technically this is still the one time.” 

Lexa managed to breathe out, “Oh yeah, and why is that?”

“The morning after still counts as the one time.”

“According to who?”

“Well, according to me.” Clarke said, her hands moving to Lexa’s hips, her lips pressing a kiss to her jaw, her cheek, the corner of her mouth. Avoiding her lips, she kissed down her chest, hands exploring her smooth skin.

Lexa stood there confused. She had just given herself a pep talk and now was falling back on her own word. She laughed at Clarke’s logic and eventually gave into a smile.

“Ok. This is still the one time.” Lexa reasoned, smiling.

“Let’s make it count.” Clarke breathed, hand trailing down Lexa’s stomach, slipping into her underwear and cupping her sex.

Lexa moaned at the contact and Clarke breathed out when she felt how wet Lexa was.

“Wow. That got you riled up fast.”

Lexa breathed out shakily and grabbed Clarke’s wrist, pushing her back against the island counter. Clarke gasped at her roughness and smiled, opening herself up to Lexa.

“Come on Lex. Touch me. No teasing this time.” She pleaded, pulling Lexa between her legs.

Lexa turned Clarke around and ran her hands up her body, cupping her breasts as she kissed up her neck, pinching her nipples softly as she bit into Clarke’s shoulder. She wanted Clarke badly, and wanted her to remember their fuck. Last night was all about being loving with Clarke, now she wanted her to really feel how she could fuck her, how much she wanted her.

“Bend over.” Lexa demanded, and Clarke’s face lit up as she allowed Lexa to push her down onto the cold marble, her nipples hardening against it.

“Oh God yes. Please fuck me.” Clarke pleaded. She couldn’t wait for Lexa to touch her.

“If I’m not mistaken.” Lexa breathed, her chest against Clarke’s back, her hands running down Clarke’s sides, slipping down between her legs as she teased her entrance with one finger. “You like to get off like this. You’ve had fantasies about being taken like this. Is that true?” Lexa gathered some moisture and slowly started circling Clarke’s clit, lightly, her touch barely there. Clarke quivered underneath her.

“Yes! Please. Lex.”

“I’ll fuck you. But I need you to answer some questions first.”

Clarke squirmed as Lexa kept lightly drawing circles on her clit, and sighed deeply.  
   
“Ok. OK. Ask me.”

“Has anyone ever made you come like me?” She bit into Clarke’s shoulder, soothing it with her tongue.

“No Lex. No one. Please.”

She slowly slid one finger into Clarke, who immediately backed into her hand, seeking more friction.

“Mmm. You’re so wet. You want me don’t you?”

“Yes! I want you. As soon as I woke up I wanted you to fuck me again.” Clarke responded, playing into Lexa’s game.

“You did?” Lexa got flustered, taken aback by Clarke for a moment. She pushed her finger in further, curling it slowly and thrusting slightly.

 Clarke’s eyes rolled back and she searched for a grip on the counter.

“Just fuck me Lex. Please. Make me cum so I can make you cum.” She said, reaching down to pull Lexa’s hand harder against her.

Lexa was more than uncomfortable with her own wetness and Clarke unleashed her. She shoved two fingers inside the girl and started thrusting hard against her, Clarke’s back arching up with her moans.

“Right there Lex. I’m so fucking wet for you.” She breathed, moving back against Lexa’s hand, fucking herself against her. Clarke already knew how to turn her on, and Lexa loved how vocal she was. And it only made her fuck Clarke faster and harder.

Both girls were sweating, Lexa pumping her fingers in and out roughly while she rubbed at Clarke’s clit, admiring her perfect ass as she fucked her.

“God you feel so good inside me.” Clarke moaned. “I couldn’t leave here without knowing what your fingers felt like buried deep.” She spurred Lexa on, Lexa’s speed increasing behind her.

“Fuck Clarke, you’re going to make me cum just from talking like that.” Lexa moaned.

“Don’t stop. Please, I’ll make you feel good just don’t stop.” Clarke moaned loudly, rocking back faster against Lexa until she spasmed against her fingers, clenching hard, her juices running down her legs as she came hard. She moaned out Lexa’s name, shaking as Lexa slowed her motion, slowly pulling her fingers out of Clarke who whined at the emptiness. Clarke stayed down against the counter, regaining her breath, legs parted and shaking, her wetness dripping on the floor as Lexa admired the sight in front of her.

“You’re so fucking hot.” Lexa breathed, taking in her dishevelled look, her glistening naked body.

Clarke slowly got up from the counter and looked at Lexa, eyes black with desire. She walked over to her and started kissing her, trying to show her gratitude for what she just did to her. Clarke was completely entranced by her. Lexa was amazing at giving her what she wanted. She knew exactly how to tease her, exactly how to kiss her, exactly how to make her come the hardest. 

“Can you fuck me already?” Lexa moaned with Clarke’s tongue against her lips.

“Come here.” Clarke said. She led Lexa up the stairs to her bedroom and laid down, pulling Lexa on top of her.

Lexa started shamelessly rubbing herself against Clarke, grinding against her. She slipped off her underwear and started rubbing her own clit, impatient with Clarke.

“No, stop. I want to touch you now.”

“I need you.” Lexa pleaded, eyes glazed and wanting.

Clarke cupped her cheek and slid her hand down between Lexa’s legs.

 “Lift up a little.” She requested.

Lexa obliged and lifted her hips, and when she sank back down she sank on to Clarke’s soft fingers, letting out a loud, overdue moan.

“Fuck.” She moaned, as she started to ride Clarke’s fingers, speeding up instantly. Clarke loved seeing Lexa like this, and from being Lexa’s best friend and hearing her sex stories, she knew she liked being on top like this.

She stared up at Lexa, eyes closed, hands grasping at her own breasts as she rode Clarke's fingers. Clarke started rubbing at Lexa’s clit a little roughly, and felt herself getting wet again. So quickly. She already wanted more.

 “Ride me baby. I want to feel you cum on top of me.” Clarke said.

Lexa whimpered at the use of the endearment, bucking harder against Clarke’s hand.

“That’s it baby, you feel my fingers deep? Do they feel good?”

“Y-yes yes yes, Clarke, they feel so good.” Her eyes rolling back as she felt her orgasm approaching.

“I’m going to cum, oh my God I’m going to cum.”

“Cum baby, cum on my fingers.” And with that, Lexa buried herself into Clarke’s neck and came hard against the blonde, slowing her thrusts against her fingers as she bit softly into her skin.

She shook with pleasure and was slick with sweat, her body plastered against Clarke’s, both their hair matted.

“Holy fuck.” She said into Clarke’s neck.

Clarke laughed and pulled Lexa’s head up to look at her.

 “Now that was one hell of a fuck.” Clarke said, smiling.

“I agree.” Lexa said, breathless.

They laid together for a while, Lexa’s hand on Clarke’s hip, curled up behind her.

“I have to be somewhere soon.” Clarke said, a little upset that she had to leave.

Lexa frowned a little, disappointed. She knew that this was the last time, but part of her hoped that Clarke would want something more with her.

“Ok.” Clarke noticed that Lexa was upset, but didn’t know what to do. She felt for Lexa, but she didn’t want to break her heart if things didn’t work out. Having sex once was supposed to be the better option for both of them, at least it was in Clarke’s mind. To have the memory of each other like this, but keep their friendship.

Clarke moved to get up but Lexa grabbed her arm. Clarke turned back and they both stared at each other for a long moment. Then Lexa spoke.

“I’m still your best friend.”

“I know Lex. I’m yours too.”

She pulled Lexa’s hand in to hers. 

“We did this thing, we both had fun. Don’t freak out, ok? Nothing has to change.”

“Ok.” Lexa responded, eyes tinged with sadness.

Clarke stood up regretfully and pulled on some clothes from Lexa’s drawer. Lexa stayed in bed, still naked, the sheets wrapped around her. She watched as Clarke put on each piece of clothing, trying to remember every inch of Clarke's skin as it disappeared from her view.

Clarke grabbed her bag and moved to head towards the door. She put it down for a moment and walked over to the bed, climbing on it with one knee. She grabbed Lexa’s face and kissed her, soft and tender. Lexa responded, cupping Clarke’s face and they stayed there, kissing each other sweetly. Clarke started to tear up, a drop sliding down her cheek. Lexa immediately kissed it away and moved her lips against Clarke’s with as much feeling as she could muster. Then she kissed her hard one last time and pulled her down into a hug.

“Go. Don’t be late.”

“I’m going.”

She squeezed Lexa’s hand and got up, and walked out without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of them got the feels BAD. Clarke struggles to figure things out and Lexa just falls harder

“This party blows Clarke, let’s get out of here.” Raven said, annoyed with the slew of drunkards plastered on the walls. 

“Another half hour? I’m not nearly drunk enough to go home.” Clarke said, annoyed with her sobriety.

“Fine. I’m going to find O.”

Clarke heads into the kitchen and takes a shot, and makes herself another drink. She heads upstairs and finds a quiet room to herself, just to sit and breathe. She hadn’t been the same since her and Lexa’s hook-up. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the girl, and was avoiding her in fear of not being able to control herself. She buries her heads into her hands and sighs deeply, tears brimming, her hands shaking. She allows herself to release a short sob, muffled by the sound of the blaring music downstairs. She wonders if she’s already ruined their friendship. 

She perks her head up and wipes her tears when she hears a soft knock at the door.

“Clarke?” A soft voice questions through the small slit of the open door. Lexa peeks her head inside and sees a dishevelled Clarke, eyes puffy and red. She steps inside and closes the door behind her, moving to sit beside Clarke on the bed.

Lexa doesn’t say anything, just puts down her drink and wipes the tears from Clarke’s cheeks, her chest aching with sadness seeing her like this. She pulls her into a hug and feels Clarke’s breath steady against her, after releasing a few more sobs, clutching tightly at Lexa’s back as her tears fall.

“Shh. It’s ok, I’m here.” Lexa says, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“How did you know I was here?” Clarke manages to choke out.

“I had just gotten here, I saw you heading upstairs and you looked upset. I wanted to see if you were ok. Which you clearly aren’t.” She wipes another tear from Clarke’s cheek.

“You wanna talk about it?” Lexa asks.

“I’m really confused about something in my head.” Clarke says.

“What’s confusing you?”

“Life. Everything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my head feels so messy, disorganized, like I can’t tell what I feel.”

“When did it start?”

“A while ago, I think. I just tried ignoring it. When I was with Bell I just poured all my feelings into him, and now I kind of don’t know where to put them.”

“Hey, listen to me.” Lexa said, pulling Clarke’s chin upwards to look into her eyes. “It’ll be alright, you don’t have to have everything figured out right now. It’s ok that things are confusing. Just breathe and let yourself be, your head doesn’t have to be as organized as you would like.”

“If I can’t define things, if I don’t know what something means, it claws at my brain until I figure it out. And it hurts.” Clarke says, sadly.

“I know.” Lexa says, tucking a strand of Clarke’s hair behind her ear. “But I promise you, you’ll figure it out. Stop trying so hard, give yourself some time ok?” Lexa gives her a soft smile, which makes Clarke’s lip twitch a little, showing a hint of her own.

“Hey I got a smile out of you.” Lexa says, smiling wider.

Clarke sniffles and grins at Lexa, and laughs at their situation. Lexa’s giving Clarke advice on herself and she doesn’t even know it.

Clarke pulls Lexa into a hug, arms wrapping around her neck, holding her close. “Thank you. For being here.”

Lexa presses a kiss to her cheek and smiles, not saying anything. “You want to get back to the party?” She asks.

“Ok. But can we stay here for just a bit longer? It’s a bit loud downstairs.”

“Sure we can.”

Clarke grabs Lexa’s hand and interlocks their fingers. She lays her head against her shoulder and Lexa sighs, enjoying the contact.

“I missed you.” Lexa manages to breathe out in their silence.

Clarke rubs her thumb over Lexa’s hand. “I missed you too. I haven’t seen you since, you know.”

“Yeah. I know, I figured I would give you some space.” Lexa said.

“Why?”

“I was afraid it freaked you out, the whole experience, being with a girl…being with me.”

“It did.” Clarke says. Lexa’s breath hitches a little. “But not in a bad way, it’s just given me a lot to think about.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t think I’d enjoy it that much.”

Lexa remains silent, afraid to say anything.

“Why isn’t this weird?” She asks Lexa.

“I don’t know. It feels a little weird to me. But not as weird as I thought.”

“Yeah, me too.” Clarke says. “Lex?” She asks.

Lexa turns to look at her, her face unreadable. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to stay over tonight? We can just watch a movie and go to sleep.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” She asks.

“I just want my friend tonight. I need you there.”

“Ok. I’m there.”

x

After another hour at the party, they made their way back to Clarke’s. After brushing their teeth they settled into Clarke’s bed and put on Mean Girls in the background, wanting to pick a movie they didn’t really have to pay attention to.

Lexa watched as Clarke climbed into bed beside her and her breath hitched, admiring Clarke’s muscular legs as they slipped underneath the covers, lightly brushing against Lexa’s. Her mind flashed back to her head between them and she shivered at the thought.

“You ok Lex?”

 “Yeah, just tired.”

They stayed quiet for what felt like hours, Clarke’s eyes were closed, but Lexa just couldn’t seem to close hers. She was hurting, she wanted Clarke. And right now she wanted her wrapped around her, their legs tangled. She didn’t even want to have sex, she would be perfectly content with just feeling Clarke’s skin against hers, warm and soft and easing her into sleep. She wanted to kiss her so badly, just to feel her softly against her.

“I can hear you thinking from over here.” Clarke whispers, her breath against Lexa’s shoulder.

“Oh really, how?”

“You’re tense.”

Lexa hadn’t noticed, but apparently her thoughts had caused her body to tense up against Clarke, who had moved closer.

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“You.” She chokes out. She can’t even believe she said that. She curses herself mentally, but she didn’t know what else to say. It gave her courage knowing she didn’t have to say it to Clarke’s face.

Clarke smiles against Lexa’s shoulder. “What are you thinking about me?”

“Can you just-“ Lexa can’t choke out the rest.

“What do you need?” Clarke asks.

Lexa thinks Clarke might mean that a bit sexually, but right now she just needs Clarke close to fall asleep. She can’t share a bed with her and not touch her right now. She curses herself for wanting it, but she can’t help herself. Just once, one night to help her sleep and she’ll stop.

When Lexa doesn’t answer, Clarke smiles. Lexa is always so sweet, so careful. She’s seen her be passionate, loving, slow. She’s seen her be hard and rough, but still with that same care. She won’t ask for what she wants right now, even if she knows Clarke is willing to give it to her.

“Come here.” Clarke beckons.

Lexa moves to curl into Clarke’s neck, her soft breath falling upon it.  
 “Better?” Clarke asks, taking Lexa’s hand and placing their entwined fingers over Clarke’s stomach.

Lexa just nods softly and her breath almost immediately evens out. Clarke smiles to herself, happy she can calm her, and knowing that, she drifts off minutes after, the warmth of the brunette lulling her quietly into her dreams.

x

When Lexa wakes, her hand is still clasping Clarke’s. She smiles, looking at the blonde peacefully asleep, Lexa’s head rising and falling with Clarke’s chest as she breathes. Then Lexa stiffens, remembering her moment with Clarke. She had practically admitted to some sort of feeling for the girl. She cursed herself, for what seemed like the millionth time since she and Clarke had started this new phase of their friendship.

Clarke stirs and her eyes flutt open, meeting Lexa’s next to her. “Good morning.” She husks out, tightening her grip on Lexa’s fingers, bringing their hands up to her chest as she holds her close. 

“Clarke, I have a meeting soon. I gotta go.”

“Stay. Five more minutes.”

Lexa sighs and sinks back into Clarke. “Five minutes, that’s it. I need to shower.”

She runs her hands through Clarke’s hair, and Clarke hums quietly as she does.

“We have Anya’s dinner tonight, are you going to come?”

“Of course I am. You wanna go together?”

“I can come pick you up, yeah.” Lexa says.

“Will you stay over after?”

“I’m not sure if I can.”

Clarke sits up a little and whines.

“Don’t be a baby, Clarke.” Lexa says, stroking her hair one last time before getting up out of bed.

Clarke reaches out for her, trying to pull her back to bed.

“Clarke!” She laughs. “I’ll see you tonight clingy.”

“Clingy?” Clarke scoffs. She drops Lexa’s hand and crossed her arms.

“More baby behaviour.” Lexa teases.

“Fine. I’ll see you tonight.”

Lexa leans down and presses a kiss to her cheek and Clarke burns. All she can remember is the last time she kissed Lexa, right before leaving, just like this. Only last time, it was Lexa’s soft lips against her own.

“See you tonight Clarke.”

x

Lexa arrives at Clarke’s at 7:30. Clarke is waiting for her downstairs, staring in the opposite direction, standing in a black dress with the sexiest heels. Lexa allows herself to just admire her before Clarke catches her eye and smiles. She walks over to the car and gets inside, kissing Lexa on the cheek.

“You look - shit. Wow.” Lexa said, flustered.

“So do you.” Clarke replies, staring down at Lexa’s dark red dress, her soft brown hair curled beautifully over one shoulder. “Beautiful.” Clarke whispers.

x

By the end of the night, everyone is gathered around the bar of the restaurant, laughing and enjoying themselves. Lexa keeps sneaking glances over at Clarke, watching her talk to Bellamy. They seem friendly, but reserved and Lexa tries not to be jealous, until Bellamy touches Clarke’s shoulder.

Lexa walks over to Clarke a few minutes later. “You wanna go home?” Lexa asks.

“Yes, please. You’ll stay over then?”

“If you still want me to.”

“Of course.” She squeezes Lexa’s hand and goes to say her goodbyes. Lexa watches as she leans in to hug Bellamy, who manages keep his hands in the middle of her back.

They both walked silently back to the car. Once inside, Lexa moves to shift the gear into drive and Clarke places her hand on top of hers.

Lexa exhales softly and looks over at her. Clarke just smiles, her eyes soft and her pupils dilated from the alcohol. She closes her eyes and leans her head back. “I’m so tired, my feet are killing me.”

“We’re almost there babe.”

Lexa’s face practically goes white when she hears the term slip from her lips.

“Babe, huh?” Clarke says, eyes opening slightly.

“Shush.” Lexa says, with one of her hands on the wheel. She squeezes Clarke’s hand lightly.

“Take me to bed.” Clarke whispers.

“I know you can walk, drunky.”

“I’m not too drunk I’m just so fucking tired.”

“Ok. Here.” Lexa parks the car and moves around to the passenger side. She hooks one of Clarke’s arms around her neck and walks her upstairs.

Lexa walks her to her room and lays her down, staring at her blonde hair splayed out across her pillow. She rolls Clarke a bit and unzips her dress, trying to still her hands as she does.

“Lex, take yours off too.”

“Clarke, I’ll get changed in a sec hold on.”

“Just take yours off and get into bed with me.”

“Clarke…come on.”

“Please Lex, let’s just sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

“Ok, but we have to talk about this Clarke.”

“I know.”

Lexa climbs into bed, only in her underwear and bra, and Clarke the same. Clarke reaches around to unhook her bra and Lexa almost protests but decides not to. She snuggles up against Lexa’s back and Lexa felt her breasts press into it, soft and plump.

“Clarke, I don’t know if I can sleep like this.”

“So take yours off too.”

“No, I mean. It’s too much. I think I should go.” She moves to get up and Clarke grabs at her wrist.

“I promise. We can talk about this in the morning, just don’t leave. Please. I don’t want to sleep without you.”

Lexa doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol, doesn’t know if Clarke is serious, if she’s just leading her on to a whole new level. But she stays, because something inside her tells her that this is more. She just prays she’s not wrong.

“You can snuggle me, ok? Would that be better?”

“I think so.”

Clarke rolls over so that Lexa’s pressed against her bare back. She slowly starts stroking Clarke’s warm skin, and places a hand on her hip. Clarke hums contentedly. When Lexa hears Clarke’s even breaths she places the softest kiss to the middle of her back, and falls asleep smelling Clarke’s shampoo.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa wakes with Clarke’s hair in her face, an arm over Clarke’s bare back as she lays stomach down to the mattress. She sighs quietly, exasperated at the thought of the situation they’ve found themselves in. She’s in love with Clarke. She’s so in love with her and she thought she could handle fucking her and having her and then going back, ridiculously. Clarke had never explicitly stated her sexuality, Lexa just assumed she was straight because she had only dated men. But the things Clarke had said, about how much she enjoyed it and how much she had seemed to want Lexa had her head spinning. She doesn’t want Clarke to wake up and tell her that she just wants a fuck buddy. She doesn’t want Clarke to wake up and tease her anymore. She just needs to get out of here and figure her shit out, and she figures Clarke needs the same.

Lexa slowly removes her arm from Clarke’s back and rolls off the bed, careful not to wake her. She puts her dress back on and makes her way to the door, stopping to leave a note for Clarke so she won’t feel upset - or at least won’t be worried.

I need some time to think and I think you do too. I’ll see you soon.

L

She allows herself to take one last look at the sleeping blonde before opening the door and heading back home.

x

Clarke: Where are you? I said we’d talk in the morning, why’d you go?

Lexa: I need some time. Just to clear my head

Clarke: I’m sorry.

Lexa: For what?

Clarke: If I hurt you. I didn’t want to. Our friendship comes before anything. I can’t lose you

Lexa sighs and put her phone down for a minute and put her face in her hands. She doesn’t know if she could do this, but she can’t face a world without Clarke. She feels stuck, fucking stuck in a corner with no way out and she wants to scream because all she wants is to be with her.

Lexa: I’ll talk to you soon.

Clarke: Ok. Talk soon.

Lexa’s insides are churning, she feels sick. She hates this, taking space from Clarke, being away from her. She hates how loaded this time apart from each other is, she doesn’t want to take it, she just needs to figure out how she could do this. She needs to know for herself if she can still just be friends with Clarke or if she has to walk away. And knowing that breaks her heart.

x

Clarke wakes without Lexa’s warmth next to her. She rolls over and searches for any remnant of her presence, but can’t find any. She figures maybe she went for a walk, or to get breakfast. She walks into the kitchen and finds a note waiting for her. She smiles as she starts to read, and then her smile fades as she sees the words written on the paper.

“Fuck Lexa.” She says aloud, ripping the paper and throwing it in the garbage.

She had wanted to talk to her, she had wanted to explain that their conversation that night at the party had been about her, that she was struggling with where to place Lexa in her life, that she was struggling with what she felt for her because she had never felt it before. But Lexa was gone. And now she needed to be away from her and Clarke is stuck with all the words she couldn’t say.

Clarke realizes that maybe she hadn’t been the best friend to Lexa. Propositioning your lesbian friend sex while you are supposedly straight wasn’t the best idea. She knows she feels more, she knew she wants more. But admitting that means that her whole world would change, and she doesn’t know if she’s ready to face that. Is she gay? Is she bisexual? She doesn’t even know. She just knows she wants Lexa. That being with Lexa makes her happiest. That sex with Lexa made her feel like she never wants to touch anyone else again. She replays their night together, the morning after, their last kiss. She aches for her. And she knows. She finally knows for sure when Lexa is gone in the morning that she doesn’t want to wake up without her again.

x

Lexa paces around her office, the phone ringing incessantly. She’s freaking out and doesn’t know how to calm herself.

“Rachel hold my calls.” She says to her secretary. She slumps down in her office chair and sighs deeply. She picks up her phone and thinks about texting Clarke, desperate to see her. It had been a week and she hadn’t heard a word from her. She hadn’t even been able to think properly. All she could think about was wanting Clarke, was needing her close even if it meant sleepless nights and platonic cuddling in Clarke’s bed. She couldn’t think of anything else these last 7 days. She can’t sleep. She feels like she lost so much. A lover. A friend. It’s too much, and right now she’s on the verge of tears at the office and unable to work.

“Rachel, I’m going to need you to push my meetings today, I’m not feeling well.”

Lexa rushes home and heads straight to her shower, wanting to wash the day off of her and just get into bed and watch TV. She hopes she can calm her head, that all the noise Clarke makes inside of it will quiet down enough to let her sleep.

x

“Clarke, you have to get out of this slump.”

“It’s not a slump Raven. I’m just having an off week.”

 “Would this off week have anything to do with you and Lexa?”

“Why? Did she say anything to you?”

“I saw you holding hands at the party.”

“You and I hold hands.”

 “Not at parties. Not like that.”

“Fuck.” Clarke exhales. She put her face in her hands and has to will herself to stop her tears from forming in front of her friend. “I think I’m in love with her.” 

Raven nearly chokes on her drink. “What!? Seriously?”

“Yes. Seriously. I can’t stop thinking about her. I haven’t talked to her in a week and everything just sucks without her. I had the best sex of my life with her Rae. I mean like really really good. And I just miss her, more than the sex you know? I miss being around her.”

“Holy shit. So what, you’re bi then?”

“Why should I label it? I just like her. I more than like her. I want to be with her.”

“Wow. This is some serious shit. Does she know?”

“No. I’ve been so scared to tell her, I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by saying something too soon, before I knew how I really felt. I don’t even really know how she feels about me because she hasn't told me.”

“Well you haven’t told her either. She’s probably really confused too Clarke.”

“That’s the thing. I’m not confused anymore. I don’t care about defining my sexuality or anything, it’s not a big deal to me. I just want to be hers.”

“So what are you going to do?” Raven asks.

“Well, she said she needed time to figure things out. And she wanted to give me time too. But I’m ready, I’ve been ready for a while.”

“So go see her.”

“What if she’s not ready?”

“Clarke, she wants you. Trust me. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. And she’s a good person, just go tell her how you feel.”

“And if she doesn’t feel the same?”

“Clarke. Just go see her.”

 “You believe in us?”

“Of course I do babe. Go get her.” Raven says, squeezing her hand.

“Ok. I’m going.” 

x

Lexa is nestled in soft clean sheets, moisturized, shaved, with a candle lit. She had obsessively cleaned every inch of her apartment, and was relaxing in her bedroom, feeling cleansed and clearer. She made herself a tea and put on a deep sea documentary, and was half paying attention as she played a game on her phone.

She had decided that she would ask Clarke what it had all meant to her. She couldn’t move on without knowing that. She needs to know if she was an experiment, if all the teasing meant something. If Clarke wanted to just be friends, which she tried to accept in her mind as much as possible, then that’s what they’d be. She’d try to avoid the cuddling, the hand holding. There would definitely not be any more half-naked sleepovers. She prepared herself for the probability that Clarke was just confused, lonely, needing someone. But then she thought about hearing those words come from Clarke, about being just friends, and it hurt. And she didn't know if she could do that after everything. She didn't know if she could be around her without wanting her. She was already struggling with it, it was already killing her. Deep inside, she had the slightest bit of hope. She prayed that Clarke somehow liked her back, that their sex made her realize she wanted to be with her, that she was really bi and wanted Lexa back. The unlikelihood made her chest ache.

She’s taken out of her thoughts when she hears a knock against her door. She opens it slowly and sees a soaking wet Clarke in front of her, smelling like cigarettes and alcohol, her eyes puffy.

“Clarke. What the hell? Are you ok?” Lexa reaches over to part her hair from her eyes, and Clarke looks up at her sadly, her body hunched forward, almost in defeat.

“I came over here to talk to you.” Her voice starts to shake. “If you’re ready.”

“Clarke come inside. You’re soaked.”

Clarke steps inside and Lexa leads her to the bathroom. She helps Clarke strip off her t-shirt as she stumbles, and Lexa grips her arm to steady her.

“Do you need help or can you get the rest off?”

“I’m ok.”

“Ok. There’s a towel for you right there. I’ll get you some clothes. Get in. I’ll be right back.”

Lexa goes back to her room and gets some pyjama pants and one of her shirts for Clarke. She places them on the counter in the bathroom beside the towel, and puts some mouthwash beside it.

“I’m leaving the door open, call for me if you need me ok?”

“Ok.” Clarke chokes out softly.

x

Clarke emerges from the bathroom into Lexa’s room, the towel wrapped around her hair with a brush in her hand.

“Can you?” She motions to Lexa. She drags her feet as she walks to the edge of the bed.

“Of course.” Lexa grabs the comb from her and unwraps the towel from her hair. She slowly starts brushing it softly while Clarke hums quietly.

“Why did you do this? Get drunk like this? It’s been so long since you have.” Lexa says, dragging the comb through her light blonde locks.

“I got nervous. To talk to you.” She says, her eyes half-lidded.

Lexa finishes combing her hair and moves to hang the towel in the bathroom and put the comb away. She goes back to the bedroom and Clarke is still sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands in her lap.

“Let’s get you to bed.” Lexa says, pulling the blankets down for Clarke to get in.

“Are you coming?” Clarke asks.

“Yes. Just a minute. I’m going to get you some water.”

She heads to the kitchen and pours a glass. She’s sad to see Clarke like this, but just happy she’s going to get to wake up with her. That they’ll finally get to talk. She decides she won’t lose this girl. No matter what, she can’t. No matter what she says, they’ll figure it out. She means the world. She walks back to her bedroom and places the glass next to Clarke on the bedside table, and moves to settle into her side of the bed.

Clarke moves over to look at her when Lexa flicks off the light. The candle is still lit on the other side of the room, and casts a soft glow against them. Lexa just stares at Clarke, her soft blue eyes, her cute nose, the beauty mark above her lip. Clarke stares back at Lexa’s deep green eyes, her plump lips, her perfect jawline. In her haze, she traces Lexa’s jaw and Lexa shivers under her touch, holding Clarke’s hand against her face. 

“I’m always missing you.” Clarke says, the most coherent she’s been all night.

“Me too.” Lexa says, holding her hand, gripping it tighter.

Clarke can’t help it, she wants to just feel Lexa against her right now. She wants to show her she cares even though she can barely speak properly right now. She doesn’t want Lexa waiting for the morning, she doesn’t want to waste another second without her knowing that this isn’t just a game. Her eyes flicker to her lips, then Lexa’s eyes and she leans in. Lexa doesn’t attempt to close the distance, she just lets Clarke press her lips softly against her. Clarke kisses her slowly, and this time Lexa’s the one to cry, a single tear rolling against her cheek. 

“Don’t cry.” Clarke says. She kisses her tear track and presses another kiss to Lexa’s lips. Lexa can taste her tears and it makes her cry harder. This kiss means everything to her. It’s soft and full of feeling. Clarke’s lips are so soft and sweet against her. Lexa’s lips tremble against her mouth as she kisses her sensually, trying to memorize the feeling, to etch it deep in her mind so that she never forgets how they fit against each other. She kisses Clarke back a bit harder, holding her cheek in her hand, her thumb stroking her soft skin, and then she softens her pecks, pressing a final kiss to her bottom lip. She kisses Clarke’s temple and curls up beside her. She wants to sob, she wants to cry against Clarke’s chest and have her cradle her in her arms until she falls asleep.

And despite her own sadness and her own tears, Clarke does just that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk. Loving ensues. Happy feels. Enjoy!

Clarke wakes with a heaviness against her chest and sees a sleeping Lexa, her face relaxed, lips parted slightly. Her head aches from last night’s drinking, but she remembers every word they spoke to each other. She remembers kissing her. She remembers Lexa’s tears, the way she held her until her sobs stopped. She realizes this is the last moment. This is the last time things are ever going to be ok for them, or “normal.” When Lexa wakes up, they’re going to talk, and everything’s going to change. And she’s terrified. She slowly tries to get up from the bed, careful not to wake her, wanting to go sit outside on the balcony for a minute, to feel the sun in silence.

Lexa shifts and rolls over, still asleep, and Clarke makes her way to the washroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. She puts some water to boil and makes herself a tea, and nestles herself on the outdoor couch Lexa has. She sighs and wonders how this will work out. If they’ll last. She knows in her heart she wants it to, she needs it to. She can’t just go back to being just friends, she can’t go back to not touching her the way she wants to, to not kissing her.

She hears footsteps and sees Lexa standing there, arms by her sides, hair slightly dishevelled as she stares at Clarke blankly.

“I thought you left.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Clarke says, eyes never leaving hers. 

“Why did you kiss me?” Lexa manages to speak, her hands fisted, squeezing them to try and draw strength.

Clarke stands up and walks over to her. She slowly runs her hands down Lexa’s arms until they reach her fists, and they relax into Clarke’s soft hands, entwining fingers together. She slowly moves forward, searching Lexa’s eyes, who looks confused, excited, scared, shy, everything all at once. She presses a kiss to her lips, slow and purposeful, and pulls back to look into Lexa’s eyes.

“That’s not an answer, Clarke.” Lexa says.

“Isn’t it?”

“Why can’t you say it?”

“I’m scared, Lex. I came over here drunk I was so scared last night. I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you.” A pause. “I need you.”

Lexa removes her hands from Clarke’s and Clarke looks hurt, but Lexa moves them up to cradle Clarke’s face in her hands.

“Don’t be scared.” She whispers, lips an inch away from Clarke’s. “I want you. I want you so much it’s killing me.” She squeezes Clarke’s face a little harder to show how much she means it, her eyes closed, her insides burning. “Do you want me too?” She asks, waiting agonizingly for the words Clarke is about to utter.

“You have no idea how much.” Clarke says, eyes betraying her with tears.

Lexa lets herself close the distance between them, finally initiating a kiss herself, finally allowing herself to take control with Clarke again. She moves her lips with purpose, her kisses rough and tender at the same time, her hands wrapped around Clarke’s waist as she holds her as close as possible against her. With all the strength she can muster, she pulls away from Clarke’s lips.

“This isn’t just sex right? That’s not what you meant?”

“No, this isn’t just sex.”

“I have feelings for you Clarke. I want to be with you. I get it if you’re confused, if you’re scared, if you want to just be friends, it’ll be hard for me…but I’ll understand, I’ll try my best to understand. I’ll do whatever you want I care about you so much. Just tell me what you want, I’ll do it for you.”

“I was confused. After we slept together…and even before, God you were just in my head all the time.” She pauses, looking for her words. Lexa waits patiently, her grip tightening and slackening with alternating bouts of anxiety and relaxation. “I’m bisexual, if you want to hear me say it.”

“I don’t need to hear that if you don’t want to define yourself that way. I just want to know if this is real. If the nights we spent together, the kisses, if they mean something. If it’s not just you experimenting.”

“Lexa.” Clarke lifts a hand to her face. “I have feelings for you. I want to be with you.” Clarke breathes a sigh of relief. “My God it’s been so hard to get those words out. But it feels so good. I want you Lex. I want to be yours. I’ve been so scared I’m fucking shaking right now. But it’s real. I promise it’s real. It took some time, I needed to figure it out, but I’m here now, I’m with you, and I want you.” Her whole body feels like it’s vibrating, her hands searching to grip at Lexa’s skin, to pull her in for a hug she’s needed for over a week of silence. 

Lexa buries herself in Clarke’s neck as she holds her. “I want to be with you too.” She says into her skin. She presses a wet kiss to Clarke’s neck and kisses up to her earlobe, and then smoothes her hands over the back of her thighs, lifting her up. Clarke immediately wraps her legs around Lexa’s waist and lets herself be carried to Lexa’s bedroom. 

“I want you right now.” Lexa whines as she drops Clarke on the mattress.

Clarke runs her hands all over Lexa’s back, bunching her tank top in her hands, scratching at her skin, begging her to be closer.

“We don’t have enough time.” Clarke breathes, as Lexa rocks into her, her thigh pressed against her core, giving delicious friction to her clit. “Oh God, just like that.”

Lexa continues rocking into her, more concerned with Clarke than herself, needing to make her feel good right now. She increases her movement and palms at Clarke’s chest, staring her down with lust-filled eyes, watching as her mouth hangs open in long moans.

“Faster. Please.” 

Lexa obliges with quicker thrusts, dragging herself purposely against Clarke’s centre, rolling her nipple between her fingers, aching to hear Clarke come against her.

“I’m going to cum.” Clarke moans loudly, her hands on Lexa’s ass, moving her as quick as she can against her. With a couple of more thrusts, she comes with a strong grip on Lexa’s back, clawing at her skin as she rides out her orgasm against her thigh.

“Fuck Lex. I’ve missed you so much.” Clarke says, pulling Lexa up to kiss her, pressing kisses down her neck, along her collarbone, trying to flip her over.

“I can’t Clarke. I have to go to work.”

 

“Please, stay.”

“I wish I could.” She takes Clarke’s hand and kisses her fingers. “I want nothing more than to stay here with you. Believe me. But I really have to go. I’ll make it up to you tonight, I promise.”

“No, I’ll make it up to you.” Clarke smirks, pulling Lexa by her tank top in for another kiss.

Lexa kisses back with a smile and moves to get off of Clarke, finding her clothes to get ready for work.

“You gonna stay here?” Lexa asks.

“We have Octavia and Lincoln’s thing tonight, I have to go home to change.”

 “Shit, I completely forgot. Will you pick up a bottle of wine for me? There’s some money on the counter.”

“Sure. So are we going together?”

“You want me to pick you up?”

“Well, yes. But I meant are we going together. Me and you.”

“Are you ready for that?”

“I don’t know. But I know I’m ready for you.”

“We can wait, if you want. I can wait for you.”

“I know.” Clarke says, staring at her from across the room. “I don’t want to tell everyone just yet, ok? Not because I’m not ready for them to know, I just want to spend a little time, just us. So we can be us without anyone else.”

Lexa smiles, tucking in her white button down into her pants. She grabs her black blazer and walks over to Clarke, taking her chin in her hands and tilting it upwards. 

“Just us.” She says, trying to tell Clarke everything she feels with just her eyes.

She leans down to press a kiss against her lips, savouring her taste, kissing her as slow as she can, drawing out the feeling of her bottom lip between her own.

“I’ll see you later.” She says, as she pulls back from Clarke’s lips, resting her forehead against her.

“After a kiss like that you’re just gonna leave me here?”

“Gotta leave you with something to look forward to.” Lexa says, moving towards the door. “Bye. I gotta go now or I’ll never leave.”

“Ok, pick me up at 8.”

Lexa walks out the door and Clarke falls back on her bed, smiling like an idiot. She knows they still have to talk about some things, but everything major is out there. Lexa knows how she feels. Lexa feels the same way. She wants her.

x

Everyone was invited to Octavia and Lincoln’s housewarming party. The couple was extremely neat and organized, and their apartment was flawless. Modern with a bit of an edgy touch. It mirrored their personalities perfectly.

Raven snuck up behind Clarke while Anya was talking to Lexa and whispered in her ear.

“Ogling your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend. Yet.”

“Ouuuu. So what happened?” Raven asked, taking a sip from her drink, sitting down to hear the gossip.

“I told her.”

“And?”

“And we’re together. I guess. But sh. Don’t tell anyone, we wanna give it some time, so please keep it on the DL.”

“Ok. Ok. I will. But I’m so happy for you!” Raven pulls her in for a hug and squeezes her arm. “You deserve this. You both do.”

“I hope. I don’t think I do though. She’s too good for me.”

“Well first of all…no one’s too good for my best friend. She’s perfect for you.”

“Yeah. She is.”

x

“You’re WHAT?” Anya nearly spit out her drink.

“We’re dating.”

“Seriously?!” 

“Shut up! Well we’re something, we’re just taking it as it goes I guess. But we’re together.”

“Well it’s about time. How long have you loved this girl?”

Lexa’s eyes tear at the thought. She averts her eyes from Anya as she takes a sip from her drink, hoping to swallow back the tears with it.

“Long time.” She chokes out.

“Hey.” Anya moves closer and strokes her arm. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just a lot. She told me she wants me and I can’t even believe it. I don’t believe it’s real. It feels like it can’t be.”

“Lex, it’s real. I don’t doubt it for a second.”

“Yeah? And why is that? We slept together and now she wants me. What if it’s just physical? What if she realizes it’s not what she wants?”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Anya says, factually.

“And why is that?” Lexa says.

“Look over there.” Anya motions with her glass.

Lexa turns her head and she finds Clarke staring at her. Raven is speaking to her but Clarke just has her eyes on Lexa. When her eyes meet Lexa’s she smiles, but doesn’t break contact. Lexa returns her smile and looks back at Anya.

“Told you.” 

“So what, she’s looking at me.”

“She loves you.”

“Maybe.” Lexa says.

“Definitely.” Anya remarks.

x

“Hey you.” Clarke says, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s waist from behind.

“Hey.” Lexa says, relaxing into her touch. “Where’ve you been?”

“I was talking to Bellamy for a bit.”

“Oh.” Lexa stiffens at the mention of him.

“Don’t worry. I’m only yours.” Clarke tightens her grip around her, placing a kiss to her shoulder.

“Mine, huh?”

“Yours.” Clarke affirms.

“I like how that sounds. So that means you’re my girlfriend?”

“If you want me to be.”

“Of course I do. I want nothing more.” Lexa says, turning around to meet Clarke’s eyes.

They’re away from people, standing in an empty hallway that leads to the bedrooms. Lexa’s eyes flicker down to Clarke’s lips and Clarke's to her own. They both lean in and kiss, tender and sweet, Lexa’s hands on Clarke’s waist.

“How am I this lucky?” Lexa asks, against Clarke’s lips.

“You think you’re lucky?”

“Yes. Having you. Having you want me too.”

“How long have you wanted me like this? To call me yours.” Clarke asks, reaching for Lexa’s hand, entwining their fingers.

“Forever.” Lexa responds.

Clarke moves in to kiss her again, unable to get enough of her lips.

“You waited, all this time?” Clarke asks.

“Yes.”

“You never made a move on me, never asked me. Nothing.”

“I didn’t think you were into girls.”

“You have proved otherwise.”

Lexa’s smile widens and she pulls Clarke in, pressing a kiss to her neck, at the tops of her breasts, nudging her top with her nose to move the fabric aside. Clarke starts breathing more heavily, turned on from her touch.

“Take me home Lex.”

“Now? It’s not too early.”

“I need you now.” She moves in to whisper into Lexa’s ear. “I need you inside me.”

Lexa’s eyes roll back in her head and she pushes Clarke against the wall. She rakes her hands down Clarke’s sides, gripping at her body, kissing her roughly.

 “Fuck I want you to finger me right here against the wall.” Clarke moans.

“Not here, I don’t want you to hold back.”

Clarke bites Lexa’s lip as Lexa pulls away reluctantly, her mouth hanging open, her eyes black desire.

She peels her body off of Clarke's and smoothes Clarke’s dress. “Let’s get out of here.”

x

Lexa slams Clarke into her door as she fumbles with her keys, begging for the door to open. Clarke nearly falls over at it opens and Lexa quickly shuts it behind them, holding Clarke steady as she walks them towards her bedroom. Clarke moves to push Lexa against the wall this time, needing to feel her, needing to touch her in ways she’s been dreaming about. There are so many things she hasn’t done that she’s been aching to do, and she knows that when she does them she’ll make Lexa melt.

She frantically unbuttons Lexa’s shirt and makes quick work of her dress pants, shoving them down her legs. She opens her shirt and starts palming at every inch of skin, smoothing her hands over her stomach, her chest, pushing the shirt off her shoulders as she attacks her neck with kisses. Clarke presses a knee against her core and starts grinding into her, her hands raking down Lexa’s sides, cupping her breasts roughly as she bites at the skin of her collarbone. Lexa moans loudly, ridiculously turned on at Clarke’s dominance, her passion when she doesn’t hold back from what she wants.

Lexa can’t take it and turns Clarke around to press her against the wall, bunching her dress in her hands, lifting it up above her hips to expose her black thong. She makes a show of running the dress up Clarke’s body, pulling it up over her head and throwing it somewhere across the room. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” Lexa breathes, recapturing Clarke’s lips, hungrily biting and sucking them while grabbing at her ass.

Clarke pulls away and takes Lexa’s hand, leading her towards the bedroom. She pushes Lexa down on the bed gently and moves to straddle her, taking her bra off as Lexa admires the goddess above her.

When Lexa catches sight of her perfect breasts she reaches behind herself to unhook her own bra, throwing the offending garment at her side and reaching up to capture Clarke’s nipple in her mouth, massaging both her breasts in her hands, kneading the plump flesh expertly while grinding beneath her.

Clarke presses Lexa down with one hand against her chest and starts pressing kisses to her chest, licking her nipples torturously, biting them lightly and releasing them with a pop after a thorough teasing suck.

“Jesus. I love your mouth.” Lexa says, eyes looking down at the blonde.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” Lexa affirms, shaking from how turned on she is.

“Where do you love it?”

 “Everywhere.”

Clarke starts moving lower and Lexa thinks she’s going to die, she has no idea how she’ll handle Clarke’s tongue against her. She thinks she’ll come in 30 seconds with the first lick. Clarke sucks a hickey just below her navel and presses a kiss to Lexa’s mound, covered by her underwear. She reaches up to hook her fingers and pulls them down her legs, marvelling at the sight revealed.

“You’re beautiful.” She says, looking up at Lexa. 

She moves down to press a kiss to Lexa’s thigh and sucks a soft bruise into it, before pressing a kiss to her bare mound. Clarke looks back up to her, sensing a bit of unease.

“You don’t have to.” Lexa says. As much as she wants her to.

“I want to. I’m just worried I won’t know what to do, so if I need help, tell me what to do ok?”

“Ok.” Lexa says, reaching down to grab Clarke’s hand. “It’s ok. Start slow. I’m sure you’ll be great, I’m already on the edge I want you so badly.”

This gives Clarke some confidence and she presses a kiss to Lexa’s hand before moving to her centre, giving her a long slow lick from her entrance to her clit. Lexa twitches when her tongue meets her clit, her hips lifting off the bed immediately. Clarke wraps her arms around her thighs, holding her in place. She starts gathering the moisture from Lexa’s opening, savouring her taste, and licks back up to her clit, sucking lightly on the hood before pressing her tongue against her clit.

“Holy fuck.” Lexa moans. “There. Keep sucking there.” She asks.

Clarke does as she’s told and keeps sucking on her hood, pressing her tongue down every so often, and moving down to press her tongue at her entrance when Lexa seems to get too close to the edge. She already knows how to read her and Lexa’s never had a lover who could so soon. Once she’s decided she’s teased Lexa enough, she sucks her clit into her mouth lightly, testing Lexa’s sensitivity, increasing the pressure when Lexa’s hands tangle into her hair and press her harder against her.

“Fuck. Clarke. It’s so fucking good, I’m going to cum.” She moans, her hips lifting slightly, her abs starting to clench as Clarke licks her.

Clarke holds her down with one hand against her mound, her hand interlocked with Lexa’s as she comes in Clarke’s mouth, hips bucking against her, riding out the waves of her pleasure against her lover. She stills after a few moments, and Clarke cleans her up with slow licks, before kissing back up to her lips.

“You’re a liar.” Lexa says, breathlessly.

“Quite an accusation for someone who just made you come like I did.”

“There’s no way you haven’t done that before.”

“No, but I’ve dreamt about it. And I did a bit of research.” She takes one of Lexa’s hands in hers.

“You dreamt about it?”

“Yes. About how you’d taste. About how it would feel to have you come in my mouth.”

“You’re going to drive me crazy.” Lexa says, flipping Clarke over. “How do you want me? You can have me however you want.” She says, smoothing Clarke’s hair back.

“I want…” Clarke searches her mind for what she wants most. “I want to ride you like you rode me that time.”

Lexa lets herself be flipped over and trails her hands down from Clarke’s chest to her stomach, finally reaching her core. She slides her fingers through ample wetness and shivers at the arousal she created.

 “You’re so wet for me.”

“You make me crazy.” Clarke breathes, taking Lexa’s hand, sucking her two fingers into her mouth before she leads them to her opening, pushing down on her slickened digits.

“Fuck.” Clarke moans, as Lexa’s fingers hilt inside her, and Clarke’s so turned on she needs to come right now. She starts moving against Lexa’s fingers while Lexa thrusts them as deep as she can, rubbing at Clarke’s clit, aching for her even as she has her in her hands.

She increases her pace and Clarke matches every thrust, her insides clenching and tightening around Lexa’s fingers ridiculously quickly, her body hunching over as she buries herself in the crook of Lexa’s neck, trembling against her as she rides out her high.

“I’m sorry, fuck. That was fast.” Clarke says, a little embarrassed.

“Why are you sorry? We have all night.”

“This time we have more than one night.” Clarke says, staring at Lexa.

“Oh yeah, how long do we have?” Lexa asks.

“How about forever?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this. And yes, that last line is an Emison line...but it felt perfect for them. Thank you for all your comments/kudos, love you guys!


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